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Imagine if you will, that a wolf is coming. It desperately wants to eat your grandmother, as the fairy tale of Little Red Riding Hood has warned us wolves are wont to do. So, what do you do? Well, according to the mysterious Norwegian pop duo Subwoolfer, you give that wolf a banana and disaster is averted.
If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you haven't been following the lead-in to this year's Eurovision Song Contest. No worries. You still have time to get on board before the finals air on Saturday. You could watch the semi-finals and learn about scoring. You could look for a local bar that's hip enough to host a watch party or throw one yourself. But even if you decide you're not interested in the weird and wonderful world of the songwriting contest that gave us Celine Dion, ABBA, and a superb Will Ferrell comedy, you owe it to yourself to witness "Give That Wolf a Banana."
Before you scroll down to watch the video and hear musical magic, a bit of background to make the experience richer. Eurovision Song Contest is the event at which 25 countries will put up their best and brightest songwriters to dazzle judges and audiences, to secure the most votes to victory. Norway's entry this year is from a band called Subwoolfer, and NO ONE KNOWS WHO THEY ARE.
The duo performs while wearing black suits and masks that look like a wolf hastily drawn with a yellow highlighter. They go by Keith and Jim, and they won Norway's national competition, Melodi Grand Prix, in February. Not even this victory drove them to give their identities. Instead, as Eurovision World reports, "They have kept their identities hidden and refuse to answer questions about who's behind the masks. Instead, they have stated that Subwoolfer was established 4.5 billion years ago and lives on the moon."
Okay. Now, please enjoy Subwoolfer's performance of "Give That Wolf A Banana" from the finale of Melodi Grand Prix.
How are you feeling?
Confused? Ecstatic? Hungry for bananas? This is the effect of Subwoolfer. Having made it through their semi-final, this is the song that should conquer Eurovision 2022. Sure, there are other contenders who have written moving songs about love, motherhood, environmentalism, and community. There are poignant performances playing out in the semi-finals. But 2022 is a year that calls for "Give That Wolf A Banana."
This is a year of tragedy and horror, both intentional and senseless. Do not give me an ode to suffering or resilience. Give me something silly and sensational that itches my brain because I can't make sense of it and just don't care. Give me yellow backup dancers. Give me a random spaceman. Give me graphics that single out keywords like "BANANA" and "GRANDMA" and "YUM YUM." Give me nonsense that doesn't crush me; give me nonsense that makes me dance. Give the wolf a banana and give me a pop jam that feeds my soul.
And now, I give all this to you. Let it be your earworm, your respite, and your guide in a year that needs more joyful silliness and wolves from the moon called Keith and Jim.
How to watch: Eurovision Song Contest 2022 airs on Peacock on May 14 at 11:55 AM PT/2:55 PM EST.
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