【kisah lucah 2020】Enter to watch online.How I, Bridget Trump, became a Valentine's Day sex goddess

Note from the Editor: You may already heard of the v,kisah lucah 2020 v important political parody Bridget Trump? The love child of Donald Trump and Bridget Jones has been gathering fans around the world with her hilarious tweets that are remarkably similar to a certain businessman turned POTUS. 

SEE ALSO: Bridget Trump's Diary: I went to the Women's March and it was so overrated

The brainchild of British comic Tiff Stevenson, Bridget Trump, is obviously very, very busy. Miraculously she found the time to share a Valentine's diary entry with us. Here's how it went:

February 13th

Gah! Another year of Valentine’s Day humiliation. No way will I get any cards. Toy with the idea of flirting energetically with anyone I think might be induced into sending me one, but dismiss as immoral. Instead I put the phone down on Malcolm Turnbull, fire off a couple of executive orders and listen to Elton John. 

9.00 AM Nothing from Vlad, don’t even know if he is in the office today. Do they work Mondays in Russia? 

9.15 AM Still nothing from Vlad 

9.30 AM Oh god. Oh god. I thought that my romantic mini break with sex god Shinzo Abe at Mar-A Lago would make Vlad jealous…what if it is the opposite that is true?

10.05 AM Heart gave great lurch when I saw Vlad had been online! It was the official Kremlin account but still he is in the office and hasn’t been in touch. Maybe it was because last time we spoke I accused him of cheating and he called me a frigid cow.

10.30 AM Could this day be any longer? I have a huge pile of folders and tedious security briefings to look through but I just can’t bring myself to do it.

11.30 AM God I am bored.

Mashable Trend Report Decode what’s viral, what’s next, and what it all means. Sign up for Mashable’s weekly Trend Report newsletter. By clicking Sign Me Up, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Thanks for signing up!

11.45 AM Finding inner peace by reminding myself just how many enthusiastic supporters there were lining the streets of Florida. Some of them were so old and tanned. It is important that I note these small victories, as outlets such as CNN refuse to! Very dishonest of them.

Anyway Valentine’s Day is a purely commercial, cynical enterprise anyway. Matter of supreme indifference to me, a bit like SNL. 

Wherefore art thou Vlad? Credit: Shutterstock / MediaGroup_BestForYou

February 14th

Valentines Day Massacre.

Not to be confused with the Bowling Green Massacre which is definitely a real thing!!!

8 AM Oh goody. Valentine’s Day. Wonder if the post has come yet. Go downstairs in my dressing gown, it is definitely NOT a bathrobe. Maybe there will be a card from Vlad. Or a secret admirer!! Maybe Nigel? Quite excited actually. 

9 AM Brief moment of wild joy when I see a bunch of flowers in the Oval Office. Read the card and I see they have been sent to Michelle, the former tenant. I put them in the bin. It’s fine. I am a poised POTUS and do not need validation from bad men and criminals.

Lunch

Emergency summit with urban family. Kellyanne is really upset over accidentally plugging Ivanka’s products on Fox. She accused Fox of emotional fuckwittage. We agreed that me not receiving any flowers or cards from Vlad was just an alternate fact. Cheers to that! 

Cocktails: 3 (a bit naughty for lunch time)

6 PM Everyone is leaving the office early for dinner dates. Just myself and Sean left. He is chewing Orbit cinnamon constantly and driving me mad. I tell him to leave and on his way out he steps on something weird. It’s a red envelope. He considers calling the security team in for a sweep but I grab it off him. Then I get so nervous I pass it back to him and he reads it out.

‘A piece of ridiculous and meaningless commercial exploitation - for my darling little frigid cow’.

I let out a massive yelp and the Secret Service come rushing in. I shout ‘I Bridget Trump am a sex goddess once again!!’ and we all just fell about with laughter.

Tiff Stevenson (a.k.a. Bridget Trump) is on tour from now until May 5, including two shows at London’s Bloomsbury Theatre on Feb. 24 and 25. More information: http://tiffstevenson.co.uk

---

Featured Video For You

---

Out of special V-Day ideas? Try taking your date to this sewage treatment plant.

---

• synthesize
• relaxation
• fashion
• knowledge
• hotspot
• focus
• recreation
• explore

• API Incumbents Do Well in Legislative Races; Mixed Results for Other Candidates
• Big Role in ‘Little Boy’
• Own Your Data with BChat Web3 Messenger
• Duet USD Pool Live on Ellipsis Finance
• Audra Mori Named L.A. County Superior Court Judge
• Next Generation Metaverse Development — Limitless
• Coinjoy – Your All
• Culture in the Garden
• Go For Broke Sponsors Essay, Performance, Visual Arts Contest
• Community Viewing of LGBTQ

• Serena Williams shows off her baby bump in gorgeous 'Vanity Fair' photoshoot
• Toilet seat covers are a great skincare product
• Wearables are just fine, market expected to double by 2021
• Why Sean Spicer is actually a genius
• Joe Biden to LGBTQ community: 'Hold Trump accountable' for his promises
• Facebook has a new mission—and its Chris Cox's job to make it happen
• A couple of towering Transformers are standing guard outside a Buddhist temple in Thailand
• Drake and Will Ferrell teach NBA stars some sick handshakes in hilarious sketch
• Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds think that everyone should take a baby CPR class
• TSA agent finds 20

• Historic Wintersburg Gets Support from City Board
• Nitro League Launches Its Fully Immersive Garage With YGG, Terra Virtua
• Smart Donation Coin (SDC) Listed in the Yoshi.exchange
• Deadline Editor: ‘Our Hearts Are Heavy with Regret’
• End of an Era in Santa Monica
• Three Decades of Dancing
• Ellie Rush Returns in ‘Grave on Grand Avenue’
• BashoSwap Kicks off Private Sale Whitelist, Releases Dapps on Cardano
• Research Workshop on Post
• Nitro League Launches Its Fully Immersive Garage With YGG, Terra Virtua

• Newsman Ono Keynotes Rising Stars Event
• ‘Allegiance’ to Open on Broadway This Fall
• New listing of Bobcoin on WhiteBit exchange
• Reading of Velina Houston’s ‘A Spot of Bother’
• LANSCA Partners with Nagoya to Promote Tourism
• ‘Hello!’ Curators to Speak at JANM
• WAM Hackathon Gathers 2,400 Attendees, Completes PoC for Uncensorable Wikipedia
• Metafest 2022 Brings Together Investors, Experts and Industry Insiders
• Bella Vista Optimists Honor Youth
• ‘Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter’ Opening in L.A., Then Throughout California